Lauren Howard on LinkedIn: I recently posted that I took up boxing. My head was in a particularly… | 14 comments (2024)

Leaving the role that sent you into burnout doesn’t magically fix everything. It doesn’t automatically make you capable of the boundaries that you needed before. It doesn’t heal you. It may help, but it’s not a cure all. I thought it was. Actually, I thought taking a few days off would be enough. Then, when it wasn’t, I just tried to work harder to overcome these unnecessary limitations that my body was putting on itself. Neither worked. Burnout is trauma, and trauma requires recovery. You can’t just blink it away with a change of scenery. Your nervous system, which is on hyperdrive thanks to all of the aforementioned trauma, needs to learn to, like, chill. You can’t outrun it or outsmart it. It takes time, rest, healing, rebuilding and recovery that you have probably never allowed for yourself before. It’s not a switch you can flip. There is no switch. Tonight, we have our group on Staying in a Toxic Job You Can’t Leave Yet. And if you know any nurses, our Nurse Burnout group is tonight as well. Tomorrow is our General Burnout Group and our Compassion Fatigue for Caring Professions group. You can sign up on our website.And you can also give yourself a break because you can’t just blink all this away. Every little step is doing the work, and I'm proud of you.

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I was scrambling. It wasn’t really important to the big picture, but it was important to me. In all the preparation for the party last week, I forgot some of the little things for myself, like a necklace. On Thursday night, I realized that I wanted to wear a wishbone. My dad and I had a wishbone thing for basically my entire life, and it felt like the right way to have him there. The necklace I had broke a few years ago.I couldn’t get one in time. Eventually, I got so wrapped up in set up that I just forgot everything. What we had on hand was going to have to do. Once we were underway, I fully forgot about the necklace. I was doing all the people-ing, which felt both natural and like I was watching someone else in my body, and I could barely even think about sitting down and having my meal. Some of the guests were caught in traffic, and the last two who arrived were people I had been waiting to hug for literal years. It was quieter as people enjoyed their appetizers, so we got to chat for a little bit.He introduced me to his wife, and my eyes spontaneously started leaking. There, hanging from her necklace, was a wishbone. As I choked back the tears that absolutely wanted to fly out of my face, someone handed me a microphone because it was time for me to do the whole CEO thing. I took a deep breath, saw his smirk from beyond and knew he was telling me to get to it.He has this way of sending tiny signals so you know that he’s there. We’re back at it this week with burnout support groups almost every day. Check out the entire list on the website.We have groups for teachers, physicians, nurses, attorneys, people who can't leave toxic roles, compassion fatigue and more. Come hang.

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That’s not the one. My dad used to say it to me all the time. When my feelings got hurt by a friend or a boy broke my fragile heart, he would shake his head and say, “That’s not the one.”The one or one of the ones will come, but that’s not the one. It wasn’t meant to dismiss my pain or upset. He never did that. It was just meant to remind me that this is about them and not me. They weren’t who I needed, and they decided to show me that in whatever hurtful way they did. It hurts now, but they did me a favor because that person? Not the one.When my high school boyfriend moved to New York and shattered my heart, my dad sat with me while I cried for days and reminded me, “That’s not the one.” I have never been a person with a lot of ones. I’ve never had a long list of people who I could call or rely on to show up.Honestly, maybe I did, but I have always been too insecure to believe that it was okay to ask for what I wanted and needed. My husband put a ring on it and that’s a lot of work if you don’t actually want to be my partner. But other people? There is no way, right? Except this weekend, there were all these people. These people who came both because I asked and because I could not have stopped them if I tried. These random internet besties who are now actual, 3D besties. Who shopped for food and coordinated logistics and called the property manager when there was a problem. Who showed up and supported and kept the unimportant stuff from me until the hard parts were over. Who were the ultimate hype squad, glam squad and snack squad. It’s easy to think that these past several years all came together with the start of this company, but that’s not really it. There wouldn’t be a company without the people who I’ve picked up along the way who brought the support, the [sometimes unwarranted] belief and the regular pushes that I needed.It was as much about what they built in me over the last few years as it has been about the idea that finally made it all clear.You know, the ones. Several times, I imagined my dad looking around, nodding and saying “Yep. That’s them.” They're the ones.

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I sent a 10 p.m. Slack to my leadership. “I have to take the baby to the ER. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I will do my best to be here for the meeting first thing, but I’m just not sure.” I didn’t wait for an answer.We had a huge meeting with a potential massive client the next day, and I had designed the materials. It was a team effort, but I was supposed to present. I ran the departments who would be doing a fully custom implementation of what they wanted if we were picked. There wasn’t any time to worry about that in that moment. I had more important things.Thankfully, the baby was fine. It was a virus, and we were on our way home a few hours later. We got in the car and the reality of the coming hours hit me. I had to be bright eyed and ready to present a potential multi-million dollar implementation very shortly. I sent another message letting them know I would be there. I set my alarm for three hours later, checked on the baby and went to get as much sleep as I could before getting up to prep with the team. I woke to messages that I must have missed in my exhaustion. “No.” “Don’t come in early.”“We moved the meeting to tomorrow.”“Family first.” I collapsed back into bed with a heart full of gratefulness. Those simple messages that were exactly what I needed to hear even though I fully intended to give it my all.I keep this story with me to remind me what kind of leader I always want to be. I will always consider my people first, like they did. They knew I would push through to my detriment. They knew it didn’t occur to me to move the meeting as soon as I know it was possible to be there. Possible was not enough.They needed all of me, and they couldn't have it (and didn't want it) when my kid needed to be my focus.So my leadership did what was right for me over potential revenue for the company because my family was more important. People first will always yield better results than revenue first. I would have done anything for them after that.And I did for many years that followed.

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Join us on Friday to celebrate the launch of our biggest projects yet as we take on Mental Health Care and Primary Care across the United States.

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Wow, are you guys having a party?The check out guy at Publix asked while passing a bergillion items through the scanner.I honestly got a little misty. “Sort of. Some people who I love a lot agreed to come to Florida in the middle of June just to see me. I figured I could at least feed them.”My heart has been overwhelmed with a lot lately, both good and bad. Today might have been the most yet. The joyous squeals, bear hugs and repeats of “wow this is surreal” have been plentiful, and my heart is so, so full. Had you told me when I first started using this space to share my brain droppings that I would end up with a crew of besties who would literally use planes, trains and automobiles to make their way to me just because I asked… I would have called you a liar. And yet, here we are with Ariel Lee Lauren Lefkowitz ☕️ Katie 🌭 McManus Megan Kelly Alison B. Erica Murdock Natasha D'Arcangelo, QS, LMHC, NCC, CCTP, CCFP Leah Bush. And after almost three years, I finally met Jonathan Hinds, M.D. This timeline is wild. Also, DANGIT BARB.

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From the outside it looks like chaos But from the inside, it is happiness and calm. And it smells like popcorn. Sort of. For a long time, the part of my brain that could build and create was turned off. The environment that I was in was not compatible with growth or creativity. I wasn’t capable of dreaming or taking an idea to execution. I could only trudge through. I didn’t think that part of my brain even existed. I thought I was just there to put out fires and be at other people’s disposal. It was just dormant under the pressure of toxic environments and burnout. Everything was muted tones. Shades of beige. I didn’t have goals or plans or hopes. I just wanted to survive the day. When I left my job and took a few months to unravel from years and years of stress and overwhelm, this weird thing started happening. Slowly, there were these sparks. Or pops. That’s the only way I can describe it. I would sit and scroll my phone or do something mindless, and these fleeting ideas would pass through my brain. Silly stuff like “What if we…?” or “How could we…?” Or “I bet that’s a problem. Should we…?” They were few and far between to start, like the first pops of the popcorn kernels in the bag. I forgot what it was like to start building. Then… PopPopPopThe farther I got away from the burnout and the more I dealt with the grieving process, more pops and sparks. Pop pop popPop popPopThe creating started. Slowly, the business ideas came through. The pieces to write, content to create, opportunities to share, dynamic solutions to problems, PASSION PROJECTS because I was capable of passion, and so many other things started pouring out. Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop And yeah, sometimes that process is chaos. But that chaos tells me I’m happy. It tells me I’m fulfilled. It tells me the rest of me is getting what it needs because my brain can do what it does. And I will do my darndest to make sure it’s never taken from me again. It’s the best chaos. It’s also salty and covered in butter, which is how I can define pretty much everything that I love. Delicious, delicious chaos. Our groups at LBee Health were made to help you find the chaos you want. We would love to have you.

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Who should I know? All of my spare time right now goes to meeting people who are part of groups and organizations who could potentially benefit from LBee Health. I've met with representatives from unions, professional associations, social communities, groups, podcasts, you name it. It's not a sales call. It's not a pitch. I expect nothing from them and vice versa. The more people who know what we're doing and that groups are available for a friend of a friend of a friend, the better. We have had our first round of group participants who didn't know about LBee until the day of. They didn't find us via LinkedIn. They found us because I, uh, won't shut up, and I think I'm going to keep doing that. So, who do you know that I should know? I would love to meet them.

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Hey you: I see you. You’re that burned out friend who does everything for everyone. And I think there are more of you now than ever. I see you because I was you, in the fetal position on the couch you never usually got to use because everything hit you all at once and there was nothing left to give.I see you crying to your husband that it’s like your brain and your body are disconnected, and even though you’re telling yourself to move, your body is not receiving messages right now. The transmitter between the two is down.You think the mistake was sitting down in the first place. The mistake was not sitting down sooner. I see you beating yourself up for not having more fuel to go go go.. I see you worried that the house of cards that you so carefully built to shield your inadequacies as a mother, an executive, a colleague, an employee, a spouse, a friend, a sister, a daughter and all of the other things is about to be blown over with just a light breeze. I need you to know something.Listen up. The house of cards wasn’t built to shield inadequacy. You are so much more than adequate. The house of cards was built to perpetuate the incorrect notion that you could survive being everything to everyone without being anything to yourself. And that? That ish needs to be blown over. Tear. It. Down. There is no trophy for running yourself into the ground. No one is waiting at the other of an all-nighter with a medal, a sports drink and a pat on the back. No one. Your body broke to send you a message that your brain wasn’t ready to listen to. You cried because you were so exhausted of being empty because you never took time to fill yourself back up. As if a gas task just magically refills itself once all of the fuel has been used.You can still be everything that you want, but you can’t do it the way that you have in the past. So, go. Break. Break so you can fix things. A fulfilled life with more family time, more quality time, professional dreams, personal aspirations is just around the corner. But you need to break first so we can put you back together stronger. I see you. I love you. I was you. You’re perfectly imperfect, even when you’re broken. The places where you’re put back together are the most interesting parts of you. We created LBee Health because I was there, and now it's my mission ot help other people get out. We have groups on burnout, toxic work environments, staying in a job you can't leave and more. Next month, we launch our mental health treatment program. We're here if you need us.

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